PUBLIC TRANSPORT……A pain in the ass.

Public Transport. It’s cheap, social and probably less exhausting considering all you do is sit back (or stand) throughout the ride. But sad to say, that’s just about all the good I can say about it.

I however have quit a handful of reasons why I plan to stop using this means of transport in the near future. Yeah, quit employing the public vehicles and go solo. And it has nothing to do with my patriotism comrades. Even though I will have to save and buy a car (lotteries don’t work as easily as they make us believe), constantly fuel it, occasionally take it for repair, and the inevitable driving lessons and licensing. Oh and maybe a chauffeur when I’m older, wealthier and the driving thrill is over.

I know; quite a hell lot of a hustle and fuss just to run away from the so easy and effortless public transport. Well, maybe after you’ve heard all I have to say, you’ll understand why I aught to.

I’ll be attending interviews soon, to get myself a job (‘internship’ sounded a lot more fancier). And here I am thinking how my well ironed, highly-regarded official outfit will look like when I alight that matatu, especially if the conductor decided to fill every squeezable space with a human. Worse, if I have to board more than one matatu to get to my interviews. My life would definitely be at stake if it’s a presentation I have to give; in front of mortals that have my salaries in their hands. You see where I’m heading? No? Ok, lemme put it in a simple dialect. Creased, untidy and if worse comes to worse, torn attires during an interview is not going to land me- or you- a job.

In such weather conditions, dark and puffy clouds resulting to heavy down-pouring rain, I have to arm myself with a functioning umbrella whenever I leave the house. But let’s face it, umbrellas can only shield our hair and maybe our shoulders (if you’re not Hulk) and probably our badges. In other words, you get wet with or without an umbrella. Not to say, those gadgets don’t save you from all the mud and puddles now do they? And guess what can save you from all that and much more… Yes, you guessed it right. A car.

Another one of the reasons why I would quit this has something to do with my social life. You know, the evening soirees and fancy parties I attend. Imagine me in this gorgeous evening gown, my feet graced with heels, and my face all made up, walking to the bus-stop and waiting for a matatu… ok the rest is just too painful to even imagine. Not only is it impossible but its also very sad and I just have to get a car. I kinda have no choice here because the other option would be to carry all that up in one of those humongous bags of ours, and go get all dressed up in a washroom nearby the venue. See what troubles the car would save me??

There are driving schools and lessons given to our drivers that try to put some discipline in them (I pray and wish that all the drivers that will drive all the vehicles I will get on will have gone through this). But one thing the government or whoever is in charge should also put into consideration is a school for the conductors. After all, public vehicles carry the most population on our roads. I know the driver handles the car, but guess who handles (and mishandle) the passengers? I mean who is more important here, the car or the passengers? All I’m saying is most of the conductors’ treatment towards the passengers is wanting. To name a few examples: one has to run after a moving matatu to get in it and jump out of a still moving one to alight, while all the conductor has to do to stop the matatu is to tap it! Some run away with our change (the one who ran away with my 5sok change, Mungu Akuonekanie) or squeeze you up like potatoes in a sack just to get more money. In general, you don’t have much freedom to yourself, cause when inside, the conductor is in charge!

If you have noticed, our roads are getting better by the day (other than God, I don’t know who to thank, the government or the Chinese) but unfortunately it’s the reverse for our public vehicles. The condition of some of the matatus left to drive on our vehicle-worthy roads is pathetic to say the least. Missing glass windows, hanging screws and nails (especially the one responsible for the tear on my favourite dress), shaky and broken doors, torn seats, jerry cans and all sorts of luggage-and living things- put under the seats, the list goes on… Did I forget to mention the suffocation that takes place in the 14-seater matatu occupied by 20 homosapiens (children not counted)! And don’t get me started on the fact that my ears have to endure the agony of listening to Classic fm whenever I’m in a matatu or bus.. I won’t be using earphones forever you know.

Last but not least, my largest and most passionate inspiration, my kids. Yes I plan to have kids, in the future, legitimate ones off course (Don’t ask me about their dad). I would not want my little munchkins going through any of what I’ve mentioned above, when I can do something about it. I plan to drop them at school and make sure they are picked. We will discuss the arrangements with their father when that time comes. His car or mine. I will drive them around until they can do it on their own. No they would not be walking for miles, or get rained on or get stuffed in a matatu; Not if I can help it. And guess what, I plan to so help it! God willing.

Now if the post above is not reason enough to get you to get a car, then I don’t know what is.