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LET’S TALK DIVORCE AND CHEATING

Ilustração - Divórcio
You heard about the Ashley Madison marital drama over the cheating-spouses website? No? I suggest you google it! For the lazy ones, get more information on This site and HERE. It’s an international calamity! Apparently there is a lot of cheating going on in married couples, and a lot of the cheaters (and I mean A LOT, like X2000 more) are men. Did you know the current divorce rates are at 50% of the marriages (if not more)? To add on to that, “two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women,” according to Bill Doherty, a professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota. We had this conversation the other day with some colleagues of mine and we were wondering, What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On? No really, what’s the deal?? Should we all give up on marriage? Just pack up all our belongings and join the church sisters, or better yet, divide the world into countries inhabited by a single gender, because what’s the point right? If it’s all about reproduction, we can all just freeze our eggs or visit the sperm bank right? And maybe visit the other gender/country during Christmas, Labour day and maybe the World Cup… It got my friends and I wondering, is the institution of marriage considered so last century out-dated, or do we still have hope for its survival?

Well, after an almost-thorough assessment, here were my opinions; and I thought maybe I should share them with the rest of the world out here. I want to know what you think about it all. Do you have better explanations or conclusions about this issue?

So Why Do I Think A lot More Men than Women Cheat?
I’ve found out that men cheat easily because what they often look for outside their marriages is physical release, or more attention (cause wifey ain’t giving him much) or to merely ‘spice up’ their carnal needs. Whereas women would cheat with a man who makes up for what their husband lacks; could be love, attention, money, potency etc. Therefore, for men, just about any woman can do, preferably one who is easily gotten without much effort, like let’s say consensual adults online costing just a few dollars. Whilst women would have to meet and interact with the said ‘cheater’ in person to determine if they ‘fit the bill.’

Is it written in Stone that Men cannot be Monogamous?
This one is hard to even try to justify. There was a moment I thought it was genetic, or hormonal. That men just can’t help being repelled by this monogamous business…then I came across and got to interact with some men who actually don’t mind being attached to just one female, or even prefer it. So apparently it is possible, which got me thinking that maybe it’s a psychological thing. Could men- being all masculine, egomaniacs and all macho- be scared to get fully attached to one woman for fear of heartbreaks or betrayal or loss, cause they wouldn’t want to be vulnerable like that??

Are women less likely to cheat or is it that women are simply just better at not getting caught?
Both are true. Women’s minds are less susceptible to this desire to cheat, aaaaand women are cleanly better at not getting caught. They say women are intuitive, choosy, calculating, particular, more emotional and sometimes hard to get. You see, we take time to choose our life partners; they should have particular traits we want in a husband. Cause we are smarter (science says so) hence think further into the future. Also because it takes us 9 months to reproduce, and men only umh seconds? Hence we need to be sure that the “sperm- donor” is worth it, cause we kinda have a lot at stake here. For these reasons, women get into marriage with an agenda. Whereas with some of the men I’ve seen and heard about, it doesn’t take much for them to consent into this institution. Their demands are often quite simple really: Big ass, or nice boobs, or big hips, or a cute face, or a lady who can cook, or one who is good in bed, or the one he has dated for a decade now, or that chic because she pregnancy-trapped him into marriage, or her latest girlfriend because her parents want him to get married, or that girl because his friends think she’s hot etc.. Which in turn, leads to them finding out later in marriage that they actually didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. But it’s too late, so pride and all- they’d rather cheat than divorce.

Is modern infidelity a lot worse than back in the days?
Yes, modern infidelity is a bigger threat. Now that we got social media- one can ‘approach’ a man or woman easily and hide their identities pretty well; women find it OK to expose all sorts of body parts in public; more women being the hunters and seductresses nowadays (gender equality and all)- and apparently men ‘can’t say no when offered’ (so I heard), morality not being the norm in our current society, presence of beliefs like “cheating is ‘cool’ as long as you don’t get caught”, divorce not being a big deal in this day and age, as well as, the young not being readied for marriage like the olden days (you know how girls were taught how to become good wives and mothers, while the boys were taught how to herd cattle, attack lions, hunting and gathering etc)

How comes more women are the ones who file for divorce?
So, I’m gonna be real with you all and not hold back on this one.
Gender equality happened. *BAM!*
Time has forced women to ‘man-up’ as some would put it. Back in the day, men did the providing, protecting and owning of property, while women were mostly domestic beings- taking care of the house, family and warming the bed… It was a give and take relationship. One gender depended on the other. The husband and wife had different marital roles and hence became co-independent. Nowadays, men and women have similar roles. We both work, provide, protect, rule, and own businesses. In fact, on top of that, women still cook, clean, get pregnant, carry it, give birth, and breast feed! So all that, plus add the cheating husband, women feel like they are getting the shorter end of the stick here. That is why, they have a lot more expectations on the men they want to marry.
But sadly, men of late just aint cutting it. I mean the number of families I know where mothers are the sole breadwinners, or where fathers do not provide, or provide while grumbling all the way, or provide but beat up their women, or sit around and not help much, is shocking! Yeah, I see all of you sorry excuses of men who go clubbing, spending them dollars on drinks and drugs, picking up chics from the club, while your woman and kids back at home don’t have lunch or school fees. You should be ashamed of yourselves. You see, women have become more ambitious, more into education, and more focused about their future. They say, women empowerment happened. That girls are being given too much attention and boys are being neglected. Uumh for real? That’s the excuse we going to go with? That because all of a sudden girls are given as much attention as boys are, the males can’t keep up?? This is not even about me being feministic anymore, because last time I checked, Feminism DOES NOT MEAN reverse Masculism (yes, it’s a word). I thought Men are more virile and in-charge of things. Where did your Pride go? Anyways, I don’t wanna get carried away (I know, too late lol) but my point was that more women are opting out of marriages because its gotten to a moment where they give too much, and don’t get much out of this marriage institution situation.

Do I still have hope for this particular institution?
Well, for the reasons above, I have a strong feeling that people will get married and divorced a lot more, however, for those who would stay in this holy matrimony, they would definitely have stronger marriages because the temptation is REAL of all the temptations around.

P.S. I’m also thinking this divorce rate is increasing because (since ending marriages ain’t a big deal no more) people end up marrying and divorcing like 7 times in one lifetime!- adding up to the statistics and all.

P.P.S. If my future husband is reading this, I got a message for you. You’re going to be my first, second and last husband-till death do us part; so wherever you are, you better be checking yourself and prepping up on how we gonna make this happen.
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P.P.P.S. If you have a comment, question or story to tell (me) about this topic, hit me up on the comment section. Let’s discuss.

So yeah. Deuces.

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2 comments on “LET’S TALK DIVORCE AND CHEATING

  1. Interesting perspective. But you should have given us Kenyan data to strengthen the thesis of your article.

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