You know how it’s a felony to talk about your ex with your next, or potential next… Well, sometimes you cannot help it. It could be because your ex meant so much to you, and for a long while, that even though it’s over, it doesn’t erase his existence or influence. It could also be because you ended it after he turned into somebody else and not the person you fell for, but you do not know the reason behind it. For that reason, your thoughts keep going back to review and analyze different situations that happened to the two of you when you were dating. Either way, you may find yourself referring to him more often than you’d like, because…well, you can’t help it. Not because you are not over him or her, or that if he or she comes back, you’ll go running back to them, no. It just means that what you had actually meant something to you, and that you consider what you shared special. When you had it. Which is okay. I mean putting your time, effort, resources and emotions into something for so long, may cause this. Nevertheless, you mentioning or quoting your ex to- or worse, comparing him with- your current does not look good and may cause you a potential next. But Fear Not. Today I have a few tips that may help you stop yourself from getting on the ex-rant train. Here are a number of pointers that will get you to terminate all, if not many, of those ex-involving statements in your future conversations with your next. I call it the TerminEX Game. They worked with me; I hope they work with you too. Let’s save your future dates!
Generalize you statements
Whenever you want to refer to a situation or utter a comparison decree about your ex, generalize the statement and make it a broad-spectrum declaration. For example: When you want to say “Well, my ex used to say that too but see how that turned out” Don’t, instead say something like, “I know of a number of people who say such things but do not mean it.” However, for this to happen, you need to think your statements through before you utter them out loud.
Vague it Out
When your date asks you a question that the answer is your ex, you don’t have to admit it or mention him. Questions like: Who taught you how to do that? Who did you bring to that event? Why do you like watching the game? Who made you start supporting Chelsea? Who told you that? As an alternative, give answers like, a friend of mine, a friend of a friend, an old pal, a past acquaintance, somebody I used to know etc. In other instances, it may not come as a question, but an admittance from you: My ex taught me that. I support Chelsea cause of my ex. The last time I was here, I was with my ex. Go ahead and replace the name-that-shall-not-be-named by the words above.
Do not Relive Him
When your new date asks you where you want to go (whether it’s to hang out or for a meal) do not, I repeat, DO NOT, take him to you-and-your-ex’s favorite place. When he asks you to choose a movie to watch, DO NOT choose your ex’s favorite movie. When you decide to cook a meal cause your new guy is coming over, DO NOT cook your ex’s favorite meal. In other words, do not bring up situations that fully remind you of your ex. That way, you won’t be thinking or remembering him when you are with the new guy. Make new memories instead.
Change your Playlist
It goes without saying, change that playlist you liked listening to because it reminded you of your ex. Select new songs, and get new favorites! He is now your ex and the more you hold on to his memories, even though you claim you are over him (and that you two are *Taylor Swift’s voice* never ever ever getting back together), the harder it will be to forget him. This also goes for watching his favorite movies, revisiting his favorite places, or ordering his favorite drink, when you are alone. That will only give you fodder for your next conversation with your next date. What we feed our time with, over and over, is stored in our subconscious mind, and that’s what really stays.
Yes, your relationship ended and you didn’t get closure. Yes, he cheated on you and you do not know why. Yes, he just stopped answering your calls and messages. Maybe he ended it abruptly when you thought everything was going on well. Maybe YOU ended it. Whatever reasons thats got you thinking about the past won’t change what happened. You two Broke Up. So Let Go, and Move On. You do not have to have the answers to every question. Sometimes, it just isn’t meant to be.
If you follow the above without retracing, with time (and distance), your tendency to mention your ex in your conversations and thoughts will decrease into oblivion. And with it, it will take the hurt, bitterness, and sadness. Next time you think about him, it will be just another memory.
All the Best Ladies.