When I meet somebody new (read as cute guy), I find myself classifying them into two categories; whether he is datable or not-datable. It’s like the society has shaped our minds into believing, after a certain age, dating or being in a relationship is being normal and if we aren’t in one, we feel like there is something missing. And unfortunately some even feel like there is something wrong with them.
So I broke up with a guy about a month ago, because of a behavior I realized, I couldn’t tolerate. At first I really wanted to believe that he was ‘the one’ and that everybody eventually has to compromise to make it work. Because nobody is perfect and everyone has their faults blah blah blah… Over and above, I felt like I was tired of testing the waters and I really wanted to settle down to something real. Experience a normal- or not so normal- lasting relationship. But after a certain incidence, which was the last straw for me, I decided that it would be best to let it go; he wasn’t the one for me.
Now the funny thing was, just a day after my break up, another guy I liked- a friend- started pursuing me and boldly declared his intentions. Well in a normal case after a break-up, a lady usually decides to keep off men for a while cause she is probably too hurt to care or, in many cases, angry at men in general. But I wasn’t. And when this other guy came into the picture- again- my mind and senses where fixated to determine whether he was telling the truth or not. Whether he really wanted to make me his girlfriend or he just wanted to play around with me.
And then they were three.
All this got me wondering why I felt like I had to be in a relationship. Yes, I’m that type of girl who wants to know the reason or psychology behind just about everything. Maybe it was cause I was getting tired of kissing frogs n I wanted a prince for a longer while. Or maybe it was because I have never actually been in a real relationship per se. I’m talking that 2 or 3 year old relationship that has anniversaries to celebrate. The one where you fall out n make up countless times. You know, that ex you never forget.. I don’t have that (Not that I’m complaining; sounds like too much luggage to carry around anyway). So maybe I am constantly appraising the men I meet because I want to have at least one long-term relationship before my husband (LOL). But see that’s MY excuse, how about the ones who’ve had such relationships before? What about the ones who’ve been married and divorced? What about the women looking for women and the men going after men? What’s their excuse?? There was more. I had to find out what it was.
Whether we admit it or not, when we meet somebody we like, we start ticking a psychological list to see if they fit our criteria. Dating criteria. Or marriage for older people. It’s like we are all constantly looking for companionship or craving for love as we live this life. The never-ending restless search and longing for a working relationship. It’s like a force of nature beyond our control. Yes, Relationships make us feel secure, special, joyful, supported and connected. It cancels out the feeling of loneliness. Which apparently is a feeling more dangerous than most feelings of despair. I’ve heard suicide cases because of it. Meanwhile people can go through the hardest of situations if they have a loved one around them. It could be a spouse, a best friend or even a loving supportive family. While those who have everything in life, intellectually and financially, still feel like there is something missing. Or rather somebody missing. Somebody they can share all that with.
My long search revealed that the longing for intimacy and relationships is part of being human! So apparently we have no choice. We actually can’t help it. And the other thing I found out is that the longing is even stronger for those who have experienced it before. They are so used to being in a relationship and feeling in love, and more than anything else, they want to feel those things again.
Seemingly humans need their counterpart to feel complete. Man needs a woman to give him what he cannot give himself, and women need men to feel secure, safe and loved (Don’t ask me about the homosexuals. I really don’t get them). We are incomplete beings looking for things and people to complete us. That is why God created Eve for Adam, and a world for both of them; why we have ‘marriage’ to legally and socially bind a couple’s union; why we create things like the Waltz dance, Valentine’s Day and photo booths big enough for two. All these to fill the void we feel as humans. And guess what, it works. So if you don’t have a valentine this year, you got 4 more days to get one, it could be a crush, a friend, a neighbor or even a sibling. Lets celebrate love. It will do you more good than harm..