So I was at Lifestyle the other day (Note that ‘the other day’ could range from a period of a day ago to 3 months ago), sitted on the grey seats attached to the table, and to each other…don’t ask me why..and if you already did then you should know the crime-theft- rate in Nairobi has gone up.. Nevertheless, when having lunch in town with my girls, and we in a chatty mood, we like it at Lifestyle.. (I know, like we ever aren’t!!) It’s got reasonable prices, it’s quite relaxing, great view from the top, after your meals you don’t have to worry about any ‘idleness is not allowed’ signs or that you are making too much noise (cause Lord knows we can!). And guess what? You don’t have people queuing behind – or hitting- your back. Nor are you seated in a line facing a complete total stranger. P.s: I am not hating on the Stanford/ Altona group of food spots….or am I?
Anyway, one lunch time as my bestfriend was enquiring about something at the food-display counter, I couldn’t help overhearing a conversation a table away from ours. (I seriously couldn’t. I wasn’t prying, to my defense, they were talking so loud…) A girl was ranting on and on about why she broke up with her eight months boyfriend. And it went something like “…he’s selfish, mean, unthoughtful, self-centered and a total prick!” I heard her say with spite. Now I don’t think that’s something new. Almost every girl who breaks up with a certain boy has a list of reasons why she did. And the question I always ask myself is, “You mean you didn’t know he was all that before you two became an item?” Since it is very unlikely that the boy replaced himself with his perfectly-identical twin brother…
In my head, there are three possible reasons behind this never ending phenomenon.
One. The lady knew exactly who and how the man was when she voluntarily said yes to him, and expected him to change after they got serious. I will call this one The Delusional one.
Two. The lady did not know the man well before she rushed into the relationship, and got to know him better when she was already in it. This one is The Rusher.
Three. This one doesn’t happen as often as the two above; where the man pretended to be somebody he wasn’t till he got the lady cuffed, and then he let his true colours show. This lady would be The Gullible one.
Now I just got a few words for The Delusional one. Listen honey, if he didn’t change before the relationship became official, there is no way in hell (or heaven) he would change after he is in it. It’s like buying a puppy at the pet store then expect it to grow into a panther when you take it home. You expecting a little bit too much. Sweerie, it ain’t happening.
As for The Rusher, Hold your horses girlfriend. What’s the rush for? Haven’t your previous (I bet several) heartbreaks taught you enough already? Take your time and get to know the man well before jumping into the deep waters, for your hearts sake if not your vagina! Chill out and find out what it is you are getting yourself into. If you are content with it, go ahead and have a blast. If you are not, read the paragraph above.
Last but not least, the victims; The Gullible ones. I sometimes try to sympathize with these ones though.. I mean sometimes ladies can be so in need of a relationship, God knows why, that they let the ‘need’ blind their judgment. Everything the marked man says or does is suddenly labeled ‘sweet’. And they will believe everything that comes out of him. Actually, the guy can knit out just about anything he wants to be and the girl would presume true. His main aim would probably be to get her “into the box’ (this saying sounds a lot better in Swahili!), and after he does, that’s when you get to see the real him. The wonderful dates, sweet texts and pleasantries go down the drain, and he metamorphoses into the man who makes her cry, breaks his promises and eventually her heart. Well, some advice for you my fellow female folk, Let both your heart and mind do the thinking and decision making. Don’t jump in blindly, looking for something you unfortunately but inevitably won’t get.
Ladies, *dramatic pause* know your yet-to-be partner well before you make him one. Then try make it work after you do. And maybe next time I go eat at Lifestyle, it won’t be full of girls complaining about their boyfriends. What’s the hurry for? Our forefathers used to wait for the right ones to come along, other than the ones who got married off into planned marriages off course, but they fell in love and made it work. Someday your prince will come. It could be soon, or it could take awhile. He probably took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions. =)
It’s all on you, Don’t play victim.