So I met up with my best friends two weekends ago. My first weekend since we closed school. Oh and did I mention that closing school was like the best thing that happened to me this semester! Anyway, I had a blast with them. I always do when any of my four best girlfriends is involved. Maybe one of these days I might go ahead and hang out with all of them at once! Apparently I met one in university while the other three, we have been close since high school. Nevertheless, they all know about each other. And yes ladies, its okay to have more than two bestfriends…

As I was saying, I had an amazing time! From the jokes to the lunch to the fashion compliments and how we’ve ‘changed’. Then came the inevitable topic…boys! Each one of us had a share of stories about ‘our men’ and their current status. This being the guys we’ve closely interacted or even had a thing with for the last three months. And two of them, filled me in on their relationships (read as boyfriends). How things currently were, what happened that day, that sweet thing he did the other week, the argument and fight they had and overcame…and the list goes on and on. And I know most of you want to know my share of the boy saga…I know I would. Well, to put it in a nutshell, I’ve been in and out of flings and boy-friendships…but that’s not the point. Thing is, after all was said and done, majority of them (3 out of 4) insisted that I should really get into a long-term serious relationship! It’s been almost a year since I was in one, they commented, my recent one lasting for two months, and that it was high time I got into a serious one . Of course I had to have a say in that matter and we argued over it. Reasons why I am not in such a rush, why my ‘flings’ don’t last, why I end most if not all of them, why I am not into taking ‘relationship risks’, and them talking me out of it.

Well guess what, nothing in me has change even after three of them had a drill on me about the issue. And if there are people who can get to me and make me change my opinion about something, that would be bestfriends. So why exactly don’t I mind being in my current relationship status? Well, for the past two decades (maybe more) of mine that I’ve been around, I’ve come across all sorts of men and relationships, in which some I’ve experienced first hand, I have learnt enough to know what I want and what I can get. I hear cases of horrible relationships every week. In fact one of my best friends isn’t having it all nice with her ‘other half’ (even though she doesn’t want to admit it), not to mention some of my previous relationships. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think men are dogs, or pigs, or whichever animal they are being called presently, I just know that you cant have a good relationship with every guy out there.

What do I mean? I would not get into a relationship just because I merely like the guy or because a cute guy asked me out or even because my bestfriends think I should be in one. I believe theres a lot more to a relationship than all that, and the main co-factor being, my happiness. I think I have enough drama and agitation in my life to let a relationship be one of them. So if i am getting into one, I should be happy in it. I know every girl dreams about that perfect boyfriend and perfect relationship, (its pretty obvious since every girl I know- friends, acquaintances, facebook friends, twitter followers- is talking about having a good boyfriend or relationship in 2012) I, am more of the I-have-99-problems-and-a-man-aint-going-to-be-one-of-them type of girl. If a good man comes along, well and good. If not, I can wait. A boyfriend doesn’t complete my life, he compliments it. If you are not happy when single, don’t expect to be happy in a relationship. Happiness comes from within, not from men. I believe a relationship can make my happiest moments and can be a dream come true, but I also know that a relationship can be my hell on earth. To make it simple, I don’t mind a relationship, I fully know about its beatitude and bliss, but with me, it’s either a good one or none at all.

No, I don’t have a high soap-opera/ romantic-movies expectation of men. In fact, I think I’m among the most understanding and most accommodating ladies walking on this planet of ours. Nevertheless, I would not ‘enjoy’ the ‘privilege’ of ‘being in a relationship’ in place of my happiness. You can call me an idealist, uptight or even selfish, but my motto stands. If not the best, settle for nothing less than good. I’m pretty happy where I am with myself and my life. I believe I almost have all that I can ask for. So I would gladly get into a relationship, to share my happiness with a boyfriend who’s ready to do the same. Join our worlds and bring more joy to each other’s life. And am not saying I want a big mansion, flashy cars, shopping at Mr. Price, dinner at Serena and weekends at village market from him; just a guy who would want whatever we have going on as much as I would. ( Ps: DO NOT mistake that statement for my boyfriend-material qualifications or an advertisement line)

I consider myself a realist, I know if a relationship is going to work or not before I even get into it. Most of us do.. And if deep down I know it wont, I don’t see why I should. Yes, there is my answer to the question ‘why I don’t have as many heartbreaks as my fellow gender-mates of my age group’. I believe me being happy makes my partner happy and hence a happy relationship. Being miserable just for the sake of the title or people knowing you’re in a relationship? Not my thing.

So yeah, I am not against relationships, but when I do get into one, it will be a good one. But hey, maybe that’s just me.



  1. Quite a nice read Zelly. I enjoyed it.

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